- tainted.crayons -

2005-11-18T02:18:00.000+08:00

I've died a little tonight.

Yet, I feel a little more alive.

It's never as easy as we think it is.

I think that's what they call emotional baggage yea?

Sometimes, I thank God I never give a damn.

2005-11-08T00:28:00.000+08:00

********************************

kick ass pic, no?

Sometimes, I get sick of being that girl who doesn't seem to know anything.

It's horrible to be in the position when you feel like you are always doing something wrong.

Like when you do something, you're wrong.

And when you don't, you are wrong.

Either way, you are wrong.

It's not that I don't know myself well but I think I am growing so much as a person than before, it's scaring me.

What trigger that growth, I don't know.

I am growing and I am trying to curb with that abnormal growth.

I see things which I don't see before.

I try to cope with the fact that nothing is ever what it appears to be.

And I am thankful for all the wonderful people who have been around.

Different people have got different ways of handling a situation and there is no fool proof way of doing so.

Sometimes ignoring a problem is good as it will make the problem go away or make it less intense.

Excessive attention given to every minor problem will magnify it instead.

A person may have difficulty talking about how he or she feels; for this person, holding back is a way of coping.

We ought to see a person for who he or she is, rather than what we choose to perceive him/her to be.

It's all about expectations management, baby.

Why expect someone to be who he / she is not?

*******************************

I know.

I am so serious to the extent of being boring (!).

I think I am suffering from withdrawal syndromes at work.

It's one of those weeks that I feel completely not productive and anti-social.

For that, *gasp* I am gonna treat myself to a shopping spree tmr.

A crazy one at that.

In fact, by blogging it down, I am feeling a little better already.

Okay, I seriously need to shut up and go to sleep.

I am soooo deprived of that.

*******************************

I am so overwhelmed.

It's killing me.

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2005-10-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

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There's something so cold and painful about this picture, yet it's so beautiful.

They say the only true love is lost love.

It's not entirely true, and if it indeed is, that would be quite sad.

When life and love have torn apart my heart, where do the shattered pieces lie?

I thought you would mend the shattered pieces.

you didn't.

It was beautiful. Really.

Fairytales would always be beautiful but they never come true.

yknow who you are :)

******************************

I am a little excited cos I have been in the midst of doing up a new blog skin on livejournal.

Boy, it's so much easier to do a blogskin for blogger.

I am still trying to get the hang of it so it can be quite frustrating and puke inducing.

gahhhhh.

bloody hell. what to do. I am an IT dumbfuck. (who say I can't say fuck!)

Soon, I'll be able to put up private entry and wala! fun fun fun.

*******************************

So I met up with an angel (my angel!) last friday.

By the time we 've decided to head home, it was pouring madly.

The only thing we could do was to brave the rain.

But the really disastrous part was I was wearing what I affectionately call them - my jello (!!!).

Those white rubbery melissa from novo (http://www.melissa.co.br).

They are freaking comfy and cute!

But when it's freaking pouring, it just slipped off my feet again, and again, and again!

I've to stop in the heavy rain and put them on okay.

I looked absolutely stupid.

That was totally annoying when I try to run in the rain so off came the shoes and I ran across the road to bugis junction, with the jellos in my hands.

Totally unglam and hilarious if you ask me!

As much as my angel is a very lovely friend of mine, he is sorta like a client.

And to run in the rain barefooted (!) with jello in my hand with a client just don't go very well.

But it's honestly quite fun.

No doubt there were people staring.

whee

I want to run in the rain again someday :)

******************************

Fat Belly has been incredibly sweet for offering to help me with something.

And for once, in our entire relationship, filee *kowtow*

I am sucha brat.

Spank me all you want :)

******************************

2005-10-27T00:10:00.000+08:00

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I should be in bed by now.

But I reckon I should blog while certain things are still fresh.

Once you procrastinate, it's really hard to get started again.

Have you ever regretted for any decision which you've made in life?

I heard so many people saying that they live their lives with no regrets, but I really don't know how true that is.

oh comon, you are no saint.

I am sure, there are stupid mistakes which you've made at some point in time and til' this day, you truly regret it.

How can everyone be living in their little perfect world, with a perfect life, a perfect significant other and a perfect dog.

It makes people like me seem abnormal.

I think it's really okay to stop moving on.

Absolute pain is necessary sometimes.

'I am depressed. Can't you just let me be?'

'No. Cos' I don't want you to be.'

'But I want to.'

Sometimes, it really feels so much better to just be in the dumps.

A smile on the face does not necessarily equate to comfort and solace.

I think those two are more important.

p/s: owner of blog is absolutely mighty fine. She just needed to share her point of view.

*******************************

I can be a very naive person at times.

Fat Belly told me that, to me, everyone is nice.

You see, I have this annoying habit of telling him, 'fatty, so-and-so is very nice hor.' (which he usually beg to differ)

Honestly, when someone is friendly to me, I would take it at face value.

Meaning he / she is really interested in knowing more about me as a friend / colleague / activity partner.

And if he /she is my type of friend, bingo! We probably would get along very fine.

Colleague A shared something with me after we hitched a ride from Colleague B the day before.

He told me a long story and made me see things which I didn't see.

Sometimes, it's really sad when a ride isn't just about a ride.

And asking for a number just isn't about, yea asking for a number.

why oh why. Mother of all horrors.

********************************

2005-10-25T01:16:00.000+08:00

It scares the shite outta me when a colleague of mine told me, 'ah, what a cute online nick you have. filee falee.'

(!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I swore my heart stop jumping.

I tried really hard to recall where I left the nick, but alas! there are just way too many places it could be.

I fail to dig it out of him where he chanced upon my nick.

And no, I don't want my colleagues to be reading me.

Not because I am gonna bitch about anyone (err, okay unless absolutely necessary) or I have anything to hide, but it's just odd.

gawd. kill me please.

I hate being kept in suspense.

If you happen to be my colleague, and is reading this right now, please please please, DO NOT tell me.

Just continue to be a blog stalker cos' I feel more at ease that way.

I know I am weird. Lotsa people told me so.

On another note, a very dear friend of mine told me that I have became very subdued.

Blimey! This is so not good.

I am that short of foaming at my mouth when I heard that.

I want to be that crazy bitch who laugh, yell, cry and love like I've never live before.

I am supposed to be a drama-mama!

What has become of me! *pull hair*

Another low.

A very dear blogger (I adore his blog - he is my carrie ala SATC) has decided to stop writing due to personal reasons.

Thanks so much dear for the email, gimme some time to get back to you. Lifeisabitch, ride on it. All the very best. But please continue to be naughty :)

2005-10-19T01:35:00.000+08:00

Long overdue pics from couple of weeks ago.

I swear I have been up to no good!

I am a creature of habit and I haven't change my hair colour for the longest time.

I gave myself a little treat today.

Don a new hair colour and put up some new pictures here!

2005-10-19T01:24:00.000+08:00

2005-10-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

2005-10-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

filee: please don't need anything bridal-liked tomorrow. no surprises. no flowers. no white. no nothing. I might do a runaway bride.

fat belly: urgh ok.

******just before midnight*****

fat belly: go check your mail.

filee: why?

fat belly: go check.

filee: *read the mail and went sniff sniff* awww fcuk. I said no pussy stuff.

fat belly: you said tomorrow. it's not tomorrow yet.

filee: bang bang! don't make me cry. It supposed to be a perfect day!

2005-10-19T00:55:00.000+08:00

2005-10-19T00:46:00.000+08:00

I rarely have the chance to do grocery shopping and didn't need to.

But this is ultimate coolness.

I want a tube, full of vodka please!

Of late, I've been craving for vodka everytime 'drinks' come to my mind.

Even when I am having meepok in the coffeeshop!

No shite. Gahhhh.

p/s: And some idiots just have to remind me how much vodka taste like vomit. I have wonderful friends.

2005-10-19T00:38:00.000+08:00

I was in the car while waiting for the traffic light.

The man seemed so much a part of the picture that I just had to take it.

2005-10-17T01:18:00.000+08:00

I love to say 'love is diamond.'

Reason being, diamonds are love (mine, that is).

And also, it completely annoys most males.

Someone once told me, "it's only through a lot of pain & learning together, that one can find true love."

I didn't agree with him and never did.

Though oddly, we went out for a while.

Through the years, I met with a few bumps and knew what he meant by 'learning and painful.'

boo! ouch! lesson learnt. things moved on.

I think it's so not true that it's only through pain & hurt that we know what real love is.

Gimme more love. I would gladly take it any day.

They said a little hurt makes you learn to love a little more.

I beg to differ.

I say, xx amt of bumps write off xx amount of love.

The more bumps there are, the more debits on the 'love'.

And one day, the account you are holding might just go into deficit.

The weirdest thing about me is, sometimes, I find myself incapable of loving.

Not because I choose not to love.

But rather, the love just gets written off faster than it's being refilled.

And no matter what I do to the gaping hole, it just doesn't build up.

It's frustrating.

It's almost as good as standing on the side line, waiting for it to run dry.

I am a cold blooded bitch and I almost never tell my significant other that I love them or I miss them.

Not because I don't feel that way. But somehow I think by saying it, I am gonna jinx it somewhat.

Yknow it's eating me up inside cos' I never ever really said things which I feel at the bottom of my heart.

But it has been so long since I've ever said anything, I really don't know how anymore.

2005-10-13T01:47:00.000+08:00

Should I ever become a home-maker, I am gonna stay home and patch things up like that.

woots. Yknow, I go through phases of obsessions all the time.

In the past, it was retail therapy online.

Of cos, that didn't go down very well with the pockets (and fat belly).

Next, I was obessed with a certain forum and the girls are great.

But too much of girly stuff is not good.

I am so not a girly girl.

Shortly after that, I was obsessed with an online game.

It's too cute. Everything about it screams cuteness and I spend long nights gaming away.

I would be gaming til' 4am in the morning before catching a wink and scooting off to work at 9.30am in the morning.

That lasted for a good one or two months.

Now, I am crazy about corsages, black stockings and dresses.

Corsages scream chic.

Black stockings are too cool to boot (and no one cares if you wax your legs or not!).

Dresses are fun!

I might sound like a nut case but at 2am in the morning, instead of wanting to crash, I can't wait to jump outta bed for work.

I have been strangely hyperactive & happy and I don't know why.

My company has this little odd incentive.

Should your performance be good, they will allow you to scoop from a pot of coins, and whatever that you scoop, you can keep.

I am gonna to do my scoop tomorrow (!) and get fat belly for a movie.

We haven't been to one in ages.

Woe is working life.

But meanwhile, think along the line of 'big money'.

I want to grab a handful though my palm is bleah! not that big!

big money! (for a good dinner and 2 movie tics!)

2005-10-11T01:39:00.000+08:00

This has been one of my favourite pictures of all time.

I told Fat Belly that I would love to take a picture exactly like this in my wedding gown in the future.

And it helps that the dress is green in the picture!

Who say wedding pictures have to be all chaste (white, white and more white), blissful and bridal-liked.

I want to roll in the sand in my wedding gown and have fun like I've never had before.

2005-10-11T01:28:00.000+08:00

So I flopped into bed, surfing and indulging in 'me-time' at 1a.m in the morning.

As my lids grew heavier, my body just won't go to rest.

But out of the corner of my eyes, a flurry blob (!) scruffled into my room, heading in the direction of my bathroom.

The first thing that came to my mind was wtffffffffffffff!

Since when do I have rats in my house!!

So I ~~ran~~ cheonged (no shite, there's no better word for it) to the bathroom and blimey! It's Santa!

blarrdddy hellll, how did this little fella manage to escape from her cage!

I dragged my sis outta bed and get her to fix the mess.

Honestly, I want to wringe my sis's neck.

This is not the first time that Santa or Dingle has escaped!

I just have this hunch that they are gonna die someday dropping into drainage holes in the loo since my mom leaves them open.

Irk! Morbid I know.

It could be an occupational hazard.

2005-10-08T01:19:00.000+08:00

Diamond is love!

I have a blingblingbling on my finger now and it's staying for good.

whee! I am officially a missus but nowhere near one.

Sometimes, you can't help but thank God for all the wonderful things that are happening to you.

I love everyday of my life so bad.

I love my mom cos' she is one stubborn, feisty and small lady who expressed her love through yelling and screaming.

I love my dad cos' he is always so giving and never says 'no'.

I love my sis cos' she has a warped sense of humour which I find it real funny (I know it's sick) and she laughs at my jokes though they are nowhere near funny.

I love fat belly cos' he is all I've ever wanted in a man. (woots! I've got the catch!)

And I love my new job, it's tough but it's fun and the first big ticket item I am treating myself to is the Bvlgari ring on the left.

It's too pretty! Some said it's too tai-tai-ish. But I like!

Awww damn, I am still as frivolous.

p/s: I need sleep badly but I am so excited about tomorrow! Fat Belly is spoiling me bad!

2005-10-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

I swear I've been up to no good!

More on that later. I'm real lazy to upload the pics.

I am real excited and I am a happy girl. yippes!

And blimey, it's really not as big a deal as what people make out to be.

Ultimately, nothing changes.

I am loving it.

Sometimes, it's not like they give a bloody damn but they go hankering your buddies telling them 'oh that's not the way we do it'.

I don't give a bloody damn really.

It's my little perfect life, I am cool with it and who are you to care if it's not right?

*guffaws* gah I am so self-centred yea.

Part of the reason I went on a hiatus was due to the fact that they were major amazing changes happening in my life and I am not sure if I want to forsake that privacy.

I am cool with all the bloggers and friends whom I have shared my links with but sadly, there are lurkers whom I am not comfortable with.

Okay I know I am saying shit, it's a public blog after all.

So here I am, back again.

And it's so very wrong to deprive all the wonderful angels who have been reading me.

Sorry for being a shithead, I promise smashing pictures (til' I move my sorry ass to download them).

Til the next time, I will tell u all about "Bang bang! Don't make me cry. It's supposed to be my perfect day. "

p/s: So I received a call from a friend and he said ''Yes, Mdm!" Is that cute or what? So that's the way of talking to a missus.

2005-09-28T01:28:00.000+08:00

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I am back.

Yknow, it feels odd, to be logging into the blogger's homepage and signing into lifeisabitch.

Somehow, after being abandoned for 2 months, it just didn't feel like it belonged to me anymore.

I didn't quite intend to go on a hiatus actually.

Ehrm but yea, it happened and all I can say is it feels quite good actually.

I wonder who's still reading this, but if you are, hi.

Thanks for being around.

********************************

Within this short span of time when I am away, millions of things have changed.

A few of my favourite writers don't write anymore.

Wacky Wonky Tong disappeared.

I love her writings! That lady has got the vibe.

Stoned nerd ala Carrie Bradshaw stopped blogging after going to Spain for a conference while doing his doctorate.

I suspect he managed to bag a hot cutesy and decide to ditch his blogger life.

Oh, and the part about Carrie Bradshaw.

Don't ask me why. I can just relate him to being the male version of Carrie Bradshaw and I love SATC.

I can remember exactly what clothes did Carrie appear in, in an exact scene.

I know, that's a little bit of obsession there.

*Edited: Praise the Lord! Stonednerd is actually back though he really did go missing for a while*

And sadly, there are blogs which I used to enjoy simply because they are so real and down to earth, but not anymore.

People change.

********************************

There are so much housekeeping I need to do.

So much I need to say.

And I don't even know where to start.

Til' the next time, I guess.

*****************************

2005-07-12T17:49:00.000+08:00

Snippets of our new place :)

It wasn't easy but we are finally here.

Enjoy.

2005-07-12T17:48:00.000+08:00

2005-07-12T17:47:00.000+08:00

This is perfect for me cos' it's so spacious.

2005-07-12T17:45:00.000+08:00

Hello, lovely neighbours.

Not that we have a chance to say hi yet.

2005-07-12T17:44:00.000+08:00

You won't believe it.

This is Fat Belly's favourite spot in the house.

2005-07-12T17:42:00.000+08:00

2005-07-12T16:41:00.000+08:00

So many amazing things had happened to me recently.

Honestly, I can never be thankful enough.

I am yearning yet I am afraid to take the first steps.

I have an offer, but I am not sure if that's really 'me'.

I want something but it's all so uncertain.

I can't quite figure out the picture as yet, but I am sure I am getting nearer.

The inner voice is saying 'go' but yet the inner struggles say 'no'.

'Should I or should I not?'

I am back to the same old starting point, all over again.

Everyone thinks I am insane.

But if being the ditzy self that I am can bring me somewhere, I would say 'why not?'.

Would you take the chance?

I don't think anyone would understand. Maybe just that handful.

We've had wonderful news last night.

I finally could sleep in peace, knowing full well that I don't have to worry about being a liabilty to us :)

I feel so alive.

Sometimes, you make me wonder if I see a piece of heaven.

2005-07-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

Peek into the future, try it here!

My analysis.

How will you choose your Mr Right?

No matter how many men you have beating a path to your front door, when it comes to picking Mr Right, you'll listen to your parents. Not only will you become weary of all your suitors, deep down you don't quite trust your own judgment.

Who will be your future Mr Right?

Your real-life hero will be manly. He'll be dependable, even financially (strike one). He will protect you (strike 2) and always respect your feelings . (no leh, sometimes only). He'll probably be quite a bit older (strike 3)than you. Fat Belly, you think they might be talking about you :)

When will you get married?

You will be very determined and thorough in choosing a spouse. You'll study every detail about your man before saying yes to a life of love. You will eventually make a good choice, but you'd better be sure that he's willing to wait that long.

What sort of wife will you be?

You are a bit tricky. You might pretend to be a sensitive and caring wife (no shite, I flipped when I read this) in his eyes, but you'll be ready to laugh at him behind his back and eventually you may even leave him for another man (and I choked when I read this)

Will you and your husband have a good time together?

You and your spouse will choose to spend time on more romantic activities. You won't end up quite as healthy, but you'll have plenty of fun going out for drinks, watching concerts or playing cards at home with other friends.

What will your children be like?

Your kids will be very naughty. They will often get into trouble but you will have a great time bringing these fun-loving kids up. They are lively and smart.

How loyal are you?

You get along very well with most guys. Sometimes your friendliness misleads others to think that you're a bit of a flirt, but actually you've got a loyal heart (woots!). You'll never have eyes for anyone except your beloved husband.

2005-07-07T12:55:00.000+08:00

The grand honour goes to Fat Belly.

whee! We've collected our apartment keys today.

No shite. Everything is for real :)

We are heavily in debt and have humongous bills to pay.

But wth, we have got each other.

woots! I am a happy girl.

Fat belly, we have a place to call our own!

2005-07-06T23:50:00.000+08:00

Yknow what they say about beautiful strangers.

I have always believed in affinity.

All of us are so different yet we blend and come together in the most fantastic manner.

It has been a great journey.

I am not sure if it's the fact that having a common 'enemy' brought us together.

But I rather believe these beautiful strangers exist for a good reason.

I can't thank God enough for all these wonderful people in my life

2005-07-06T23:37:00.000+08:00

I adore these girls to bits.

There are the only people whom I have my bitch fits to.

It's a pity that we've only been together for a short time.

But it has been good while it lasted :)

They are the sweetest people around!

2005-07-06T08:46:00.000+08:00

weenee, the loot has arrived!

It's very pretty!

Life is fantastic.

I have so much to say but I am having too much fun everyday.

Will update tonight if I am not too beat.

2005-06-29T16:57:00.000+08:00

*******************************

On my journey to work today, I was struck with an amazing sight.

The sky seems to have fallen.

There is something so sad about it, yet at the same time, liberating.

It felt like I was that close to the sky.

********************************

Ouch! I bite.

2005-06-29T15:47:00.000+08:00

********************************

I am not the sweetest pea around but more often than not, I try to be kind and diplomatic.

But the ultimate happened today.

Lets call him BS, for bossy ass.

BS: *chuck a letter into my face* WAH KNS, every month I am paying so much for my house.

Me: *matter-of-factly* It's ok la, you earn a lot WHAT!

I swear I was so sarcastic I bet my words can pierce through his bones.

Considering the fact that I've always been respectful to him, this came as a shock.

BS was clearly taken aback by my reaction but went on talking about random stuff which we were clearly not interested in.

As such, I shall pen a letter to BS before I put an end to this very pretty episode.

********************************

Dear BS,

You are an incorrigible idiot all along.

It's a pity that I didn't know you are such an asswipe though people have warned me about you.

It makes me sick knowing that you are playing the game well.

You always do. You even taught me how.

You stabbed me in my back when I wasn't around.

Of cos, I knew you would stoop so low.

Poisoning their minds, you say.

I say not, truth doesn't lie.

Conscience is always clear.

You've been kind to me but I don't despise you any less.

Idiots they are, to you.

We all feel and breathe the same air, mind you.

You think you know, but you don't.

Liar liar, pants on fire.

It's all cool. No hard feelings.

Adieu to your sorry ass.

Peace out,
I-still-hate-you

********************************

2005-06-26T13:43:00.000+08:00

So we've picked out our wedding bands.

It's odd how we can pick out the bands almost instantly knowing that it's the dream bands.

In all honestly, I am all excited about the bands.

No, being excited is an understatement.

Fat Belly, being the typical guy, is way more excited about getting the house keys in July.

I still can't believe we've gotten our wedding ring!

And as I am writing this, I feel like crying.

Freak, I am such a sucker.

4 years ago, MJ told the ex-bf and I that her wedding ring has to look something like that.

Needless to say, she was teased to no end.

So babe, *guffaws* do you still want something like that?

I still can't believe this is happening.

This is gonna be how my rings look like.

I can't wait to share the real pictures!

I feel truly blessed and I don't know what I've done to deserve all these.

On another note, I've made up my mind about certain things.

It's all a new beginning.

I am so looking forward to it.

2005-06-23T11:42:00.000+08:00

Raves of the day.

My pretty cheapo heels from Shen Zhen that don't cut.

Heels can be a bitch to wear by itself.

But can't help it when they give you the extra oomph.

Beat that, it's 10SGD, not a bitch to wear and pretty.

************************************

My dad send me to work every morning.

Knowing that I am heading for a follow-up interview in the afternoon, he asked me if I was really serious about leaving my current job.

Geez, of cos' I am serious.

I told him why. And he felt that it was a good decision.

No questions ask.

Just as I was about to alight the car, he told me there was no need (!) to be in a rush to get a job.

Cool. That's the passport to bumming around, no?

"Just spend as long as you want at home. Most importantly, find a job which you really like"

My dad is like the coolest dad around really.

He is the most non-judgmental person around.

He is patient, kind, funny and nice. No shite.

Yknow sometimes I think no guys would ever be good enough.

Not because I am oh-so-great.

Fat Belly can be my guest blogger one day and tell you how bratty and wilful I can be.

In fact, I am the gf who is forever lost to the dark side.

I think my dad is the perfect epitome of a dad, husband and the man of the household.

Fat Belly has got to learn a trick or two from my P. diddy :)

***********************************

I know this is sick.

But I am kinda happy a certain someone is resorting to desperate measures.

That fella has got to watch his back.

I've heard the most ridiculous shite from him and lets just say I am having a mini celebration soon.

***********************************

2005-06-22T10:23:00.000+08:00

Since we are on that ooh la la cum to-die-for dress, here are a few others which I like.

Though deemed as not appropriate since they are not white.

I like short tube dress like this cos' I am just too short to carry off normal dresses.

2005-06-22T10:20:00.000+08:00

I am in love with this black number, especially when the fit cuts into the shoulders/collar area.

I think this makes the perfect little black dress (LBD).

2005-06-22T10:18:00.000+08:00

This black satin dress is too chic to resist.

And all girls love flouncy dresses, don't we?

2005-06-22T10:15:00.000+08:00

I'd never be able to carry this green hankerchief hem dress off since I am so short.

But it's in my favourite colour, no less!

2005-06-20T00:56:00.000+08:00

Just lastly week, Fat Belly & I dropped by ROM to check out the deluxe room and suite out.

That place gives me creeps honestly.

Every girl whom I have met there was all decked out in white.

Why is it that anything associated with marriage has be to in white?!

I love this gorgeous dress (points upward) and fat belly said, N.O.

The damn reason?

(Quoting Fat Belly) It's not white lar!

But nobody says an ROM dress has to be in white what!

tsk tsk.

But isn't that dress gorgeous?

2005-06-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

I love flowers.

Especially when they are in the hair.

I am a happy girl when I have a flower in my hair.

And lets not go into the atrocious amount of flowers (!) which I would want to use for my wedding in time to come.

Oh comon, it's every girl's dream? No? Maybe not.

Anyway, I am completely annoyed with the many very difficult decisions.

I can't decide if I want a quiet affair or a WHAM-BAM-we-are getting ROM-ed.

We would love to share it with close friends but there are a lot of constrains at the moment.

Deep down inside, I am a maniac who doesn't mind having the cleaning aunty as my witness and having an escapade with fat belly.

But, lets all remember that Fat Belly is an extremely sensible bloke, so crazy ideas are outta the windows yea.

Actually, I think he is mostly afraid of my parents skinning him alive.

Lets just keep this to ourselves. Within this blog.

Coming up will be pictures of some places and options which we have in mind.

Kindly let me know what you think would be great. (Many thanks!)

Option A

Gorgreous view from the place.

Very country, isn't it? I like :)

I can imagine the reception area to be here.

And the solemnization area.

Option B

This is an awesome place.

It's probably one of the most beautiful place I've been to.

The rich history to this place makes it even more unique.

From the loved ones.

This was a little heart wrenching for my delight.

The only downside would be that this place is a little too solemn for celebration.

Close up on one of the note.

Option C

Sign the papers and zoom out of the place.

And have a major wedding blast few years down the road, complete with a military march-in and anything exaggerating which you can think of.

2005-06-16T11:02:00.000+08:00

Yknow, love is a funny thing.

To me, there are always 2 kinds of love.

The kind that gives you flutters.

Or the kind that ~~puts you to sleep~~ is rock solid and stable.

Which one would you choose?

I like the adrenaline rush of having flutters.

Honestly, who don't?

It's probably the most amazing thing to have your heart beats thrice as fast as a normal human just because he gives you flutters.

Simply put it, it's down to a simple equation - chemistry.

Attraction, in every other sense, is so very important.

Most people go for looks. It's only human.

I dig funny guys, simply because life is too hard.

I need to know I can laugh heartily at the end of the day cos' I know this funny man will stand by me.

Someone dear to me needed me to do something for myself.

And that is to know, if I truly want the flutters or the stability.

I have been thinking about it. I did.

But yknow, sometimes we tend to pick out someone's weaknesses, rather than strengths.

We tend to see those strengths as weaknesses.

Along the way, we do get deluded and have clouded vision.

It happens. It never run smooth.

This may comes across as too sugary sweet, but I feel blessed knowing that I do have the best of both worlds.

Fat Belly is a funny guy.

I wouldn't say he is funny-funny or witty-funny.

But he is definitely goofy-funny.

His call sign in squadron is joker.

It can't go that wrong. Or so they say.

Fat Belly is the most sensible guy around honestly.

He is the kind of safe bet that a girl would go with knowing that she can't go wrong.

It's perfect, sometimes I am too emotional or drama-mama for my own good.

I whined when I feel like I am not getting enough attention.

According to a friend, I have to be attention-loaded from my significant other.

I detest it when Fat Belly indirectly asked me to 'get a grip of myself'.

But I appreciate the fact that he knocked some sense into me.

I can be a complete airhead and totally senseless sometimes.

Fat Belly? Flutters? Yes & yes.

There are two kinds of flutters - those short-lived ones and the real thang.

Short-lived flutters are extremely dangerous.

They bring you on a high, only to fling you into the abyss of pain.

What are flutters?

The shocking first touch of pink dolphins.

Sitting on the parapet, hanging our legs in the sky.

Bringing me on a eat-all-the-peas-I-can V-day dinner.

Listening to your heartbeats til' I dozed off.

Boob Lay nasi lemak.

Long pain-in-the-ass trip on his bike.

Clear blue skies & motion sickness.

Tiring pain-in-the-ass virgin car hunting.

Flying me away for my birthday.

Wiping out his savings for a place which I like.

I call them the good flutters.

They make your heart beats and they are staying for good.

I am all for good flutters.

2005-06-16T10:27:00.000+08:00

This is not very me.

But the more I see it, the more I like it.

Imagine sashaying downtown under the hot sun in this.

Woots.

2005-06-15T11:53:00.000+08:00

*******************************

So I've made an important decision today.

It might be a stupid decision in time to come, I wouldn't know.

But I guess, in life, we always need to pick ourselves up and say 'this has to stop'.

I cringe to think I am such an ungrateful brat, but lie to me over and over again?

tsk tsk.

Shame on you.

There's always something call karma.

*******************************

As I am typing away, I wish I could snooze somewhere.

My cables are finally up yesterday and needless to say, it's wonderful!

It got me so excited after having no internet connection (!) for the past 10 days or so that I stayed up til' really late.

And the moment, I got into bed, I couldn't get to sleep.

For fear that I couldn't wake up in time for work in the morning.

********************************

Yknow humans are odd.

Most of them have perverse nature but yet they are all very afraid.

Me think GSS is the most glorious event around.

But I am so afraid to step out of the house these days.

I am not kidding you.

Hear no evil, see no evil.

I haven't check out GSS yet.

I really don't wish to open the floodgates.

It's gonna be detrimental I bet.

Nonetheless, can someone please tell me if it's good?

********************************

I think I am starting to breathe okay.

I don't know how long this will go.

But I promise myself I would be okay.

For you.

********************************

2005-06-10T17:30:00.000+08:00

This is my staple pair of pointy.

It's comfy and goes with anything.

Since I am so depressed and do not have internet connection at home, pardon me and let me be frivolous.

And yes, I might as well make use of the internet access at work.

And since I can't upload pictures since I have no internet connection at home, I have to make do with pictures from my photo sharing site.

They are all, btw, clothes, shoes (from my HK trip) and accessories.

It's not funny when you are depressed.

But I think it feels quite good looking at the truckload of trash that I've bought.

I am nowhere wise when it comes to spending money, but wth, I love them.

2005-06-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

I like this pair of heels to bits cos' it allows me to glam up for the night.

But it's also very 'mama-san' to me!

2005-06-10T17:26:00.000+08:00

This is so Paul & Joe according to a friend.

I feel my head pounding everytime I look at it.

I think it's the prints.

2005-06-10T17:23:00.000+08:00

I used to love this so much cos' it's so retro.

But now, I think it looks quite 'ah-ma' and I don't know what to do with it.

Maybe, give my 'ah-ma'.

2005-06-10T17:21:00.000+08:00

I ought to buy more sensible shoes like this.

But it's so boring, I am afraid I might not want to wear it anymore.

2005-06-10T17:20:00.000+08:00

Do I need to tell you I love peeaaa- cock?

2005-06-10T17:17:00.000+08:00

I had wanted to get this eons ago.

My heart broke into a million tiny pieces when I realised it was sold out just as I was about to order it.

A kind angel sold it for me recently.

I am no longer a walking dead.

2005-06-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

This is how all my levis' look like.

I will club you if you ask me about my size again.

And the odd thing is, after I did that, Fat Belly did the same thing to his Levis.

Instead of a heart, he has a bull or something.

2005-06-10T17:12:00.000+08:00

This is my latest baby.

Call her Tiffany.

2005-06-10T17:09:00.000+08:00

I told myself if I don't get this, I will die.

And it doesn't help that it's sold out on the website (for my size).

But in the end, I managed to get it from someone else.

Thank God.

It was a near death experience.

2005-06-10T16:48:00.000+08:00

The well will run dry and the heart will harden.

Now, it's not the time.

But someday, it will.

Those words.

And an unexpected mate.

Not that it affects me, but it seems like it's all back to square one.

I am back to where I've started.

Tell me what's better than being in love with clothes and shoes?

Nothing. I would say.

Absolutely nothing.

I hate it when I see my favourite dress going on sale when I can't get it.

It drives me nuts and makes me depressed.

I will die if I don't get it.

I am dead serious.

2005-06-07T14:35:00.000+08:00

I found a part of myself which I've lost 3 years ago.

I think being back to somewhere familiar helps.

As I was walking back in the rain, smelling the freshly cut grass, I know I am 'me'.

The old 'me'.

I don't know if that was good but I was too spaced out to think.

Sometimes, it's okay to be not feeling okay yea.

And when I have to take that leapt of faith, sometimes I wonder how many people will be with me.

But I supposed it's all good.

Someone once told me I am a brave girl.

Sorry for not updating often, it's awfully painful not to have internet connection at home.

Yes, I live in a cave.

Gimme a week, my cables will be up and running.

And I have awesome pictures to share.

Sorry for not visiting your lovely blogs and commenting.

Will do so in a week's time.

Agnes, good luck for your exams, I think I am just gonna use direct shippings for VS.

Thanks for the help though.

And yea, I think I don't quite live up to the name of 'wonder friend'.

Only Ah Boy knows why.

2005-06-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

A little random here.

I haven't been blogging for a while.

Sometimes there is just so much I want to say, but I can't bring myself to do so.

Thoughts are so random and they run wild ever so often.

I don't think I am ready for the endless interviews.

But wth, no one is gonna stop the time and let me take my own time.

The first appointment turned out fine.

Fat Belly & I are just a step away from getting an apartment.

That is exciting, yet equally scary.

Okay. Enough. Be back soon.

Internet access is a luxury.

I might go missing soon.

2005-05-27T22:01:00.000+08:00

I love this SeaGreen PlayBoy Shrug from Victoria Secrets to bits.

So I kept raving about it.

And when I raved about something, it can get quite annoying at times.

Fat Belly: So what do you call this thing that you are wearing now?

Me: It's a shrug.

Fat Belly: huh? what?

Me: S-H-R-U-G, shrug.

Fat Belly: Shrek?!

Me: Shrug!

Fat Belly: Arh it's green, so it's your shrek.

Me: ...

2005-05-27T21:35:00.000+08:00

Kids, never ever go to bed with wet hair!

You would end up looking like this :)

2005-05-27T21:34:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:33:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:32:00.000+08:00

Stunning Yufen walking into the church

2005-05-27T21:31:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:29:00.000+08:00

When they become man & wife ...

2005-05-27T21:28:00.000+08:00

Heading to Melvin's place for the reception.

2005-05-27T21:27:00.000+08:00

Melvin's very own car.

2005-05-27T21:26:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:25:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:24:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:23:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:21:00.000+08:00

As they walked into the Ritz ballroom, Yufen glows in her stunning hot pink satin evening gown.

2005-05-27T21:19:00.000+08:00

2005-05-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

The traditional 'Yam Seng'.

2005-05-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

Wedding Teddy.

That's all folks!

Bless the sweet couple.

2005-05-24T23:49:00.000+08:00

whee! We've won ourself a free stay at Sentosa in a lucky draw.

Honestly, we can't even remember the lucky draw which we took part in.

It must have been quite sometime ago!

No shite cos' I've always thought that all these lucky draws ain't real.

Anyway, Fat Belly has been suspected of having dengue fever.

So he will be down and out in bed for 2 straight days before further observations.

Fat Belly, please get well soon :)

2005-05-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

So we went shopping for wedding bands.

It's kinda cool cos' being a joint decision, it is quite fun.

Yknow how some wedding bands just don't look like they come in a pair cos' both rings look so different?

Fat Belly thought there wasn't any point in getting those.

I want the bling-blings and he is a little apprehensive about wearing them.

3 tiny bling blings is probably the most that his male ego can take.

And if you are wondering, I am not talking about those huge rock that perched on the finger.

When it's flushed in with a platinum band, diamonds do look quite good, even on a man.

Not surprisingly, we didn't get any since we haven't set our eyes on any particular pair yet.

I am hoping to get something a little more unique.

I am into vintage-y (if there is even such a word) and antique looking rings (with lots and lotsa blings blings).

But those will cost a freakkkking bomb.

During our trip to Phuket last year, we had the chance to visit the the largest diamond factory & retailer.

That was the one and only time, a ring, blew me away.

The whole ring was encrusted with tiny pink diamonds which are really rare and highly sought after.

Coming from a girl who almost hates pink, me think that says a lot about the ring.

The ring was so stunning, I swear til' this day, I remember exactly how it looks (on my finger)!

Then again, one doesn't have to walk around with a $20K band on her hand for the rest of her life.

Honestly, I wish Fat Belly had some jade ring or golden band (!) handed down from his great great grandmother or something.

I think that will be really awesome and meaningful.

Dear Fat Belly, will you get me that ring encrusted with pink diamonds if I promise to pass it to your great great grandchildren in the future?

Ehrm please?

2005-05-21T01:24:00.000+08:00

Pardon us but I think it's okay to look like crap at 5am in the morning!

We were trying to say 'Hong Kong'.

Bet you can't make it out yea.

2005-05-21T01:20:00.000+08:00

Our very own Changi Airport.

On our way to grab a cuppa before checking in.

2005-05-21T01:17:00.000+08:00

Welcome on board!

2005-05-21T01:15:00.000+08:00

As we took off from Singapore ...

2005-05-21T01:14:00.000+08:00

My breakfast! Looks quite yummy eh?

UA was much better than I thought it was :)

2005-05-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

Catching a flight at 6 plus in the morning is quite horrible.

Both Fat Belly & I got quite restless on the plane cos' we couldn't catch a wink.

So we ended up trying to keep ourself occupied with our first cross word puzzle book after watching the Incredibles.

But it turned out to be more difficult than we thought it was.

2005-05-21T01:07:00.000+08:00

After many cups of juice, we are finally landing!

2005-05-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

At the Arrival Hall.

The lady in charge of our airport transfer gave me a shock cos' she spewed in nothing but Cantonese.

Yes, I don't understand a single bit.

2005-05-21T01:03:00.000+08:00

As we were leaving the Airport to our hotel...

2005-05-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

That's HongKong for you when we were there!

I love the weather actually.

At least, it's not as humid as Singapore!

2005-05-21T00:58:00.000+08:00

HongKong has got amazingly high buildings.

And every window/unit seems so small they look like beehives(!).

Alrites, since I am waiting for more pictures, till then!

2005-05-21T00:09:00.000+08:00

Within the span of a week, 2 people had asked me to remove their blog links from my side bar.

One for personal reason cos' the previous blog ceased to exist and there was a change of direction in life.

The other was due to the fact, that the world, is simply too small.

My blog can now be better known as blogster since it pretty much serves the same function as friendster.

I don't know if you have noticed the dwindling posts, but matter of fact is, I have pretty much nothing to say these days.

It's so ironic that we all own a public space like this and wish to keep it private.

Well, everyone has a dark side and if you are wondering, yes, I do have the dark private online journal locked somewhere.

Of cos' some people started blogging anonymously, so no one knows the owner of the blog.

But it's not fun cos' I love pictures and colours, and if I can't post pictures of all the gorgeous ones in my life, it sucks.

I know this is a public space but as much as possible, I try my best to kept it private.

As I am typing this, it really doesn't make sense but what the hell.

I don't leave my blog address in my user profiles of any sorts.

This blog started out with 2 readers, wonderfriend & MJ, whom I personally gave the address through instant messaging.

So I received an email from a long lost friend who has been a silent reader of my blog for the past one year or so.

Dude, thanks for sticking around.

Do give me some time to get back to you cos' I am tied up at the moment.

It doesn't help that your email is as long as an essay.

I know there are certainly people who know me personally, who chanced upon this blog and have been lurking around as silent readers.

In fact, I am totally cool with that.

My blog says both so much, yet so little about me.

But it's just odd now cos' I prefer playing pretence.

I guess we all have issues we want to get over with.

So if you are thinking that someone could be reading your blog now...

You are darn right. They are!

It certainly doesn't help that I have my pictures splashed all over this bleedin' blog.

That said, I still dig public blogs.

If every other blog is to go private now, it's not cool.

Boss, are you reading this blog?

I love my job yknow.

I am serious :)

2005-05-18T17:28:00.000+08:00

... the willingness to sit in the theatre for 140 mins of Star Wars despite having zilch interest in it.

It better be good.

EDITED!

Surprisingly, I love the show.

2005-05-17T20:24:00.000+08:00

(click for bigger image)

Remember how I used to rave about my Creative Arts as Therapy elective?

I love that class so much cos' it's always so fun.

Of cos', I have a very inspiring tutor as well.

Fine, I did skipped around 4 lessons but I did email Batia everytime I skipped class.

Now, I have another reason to love Batia cos she freaken' gives me an A!

Okay, no prize for getting an A cos' no one gives a shit about elective.

It's either you pass or fail yea.

I knew I am meant to do something like that.

Tell me wtf did I do business for the past 3 years.

I am not even interested in it.

I can't do maths and science too.

Tell me why am I taking the job I am doing now.

For the first time in my life, I am lost as to where I should go.

I hate Tuesday and I don't know why.

2005-05-16T19:57:00.000+08:00

I know this is gross but pardon me, I just have to do this.

My sis is probably the only cuckoo who will go down to the court despite having 8 stitches the night before (!).

She is out of her mind.

In her own words, it wasn't painful at all.

But she was trying not to laugh too hard for fear that the gaping hole will become bigger.

wtf. She is a complete psycho.

2005-05-16T19:32:00.000+08:00

I want this! So pwetty.

Freaken' 58USD. Why oh why.

2005-05-14T11:22:00.000+08:00

Everyone has a checklist.

If I did have one at some point in time, I am not using it anymore.

As time goes, I guess we do grow wiser after all.

I always tell myself what I want is what I do not want.

Lets talk about men.

There is a particular species of males whom I am very afraid of.

Those who are witty, funny and yet sensitive.

I have a weakness for guys like that and that is bad.

So I steer clear of them.

But not after I 've been through the awful bits though.

Despite bringing you on a high, they flung you into the abyss too.

It pretty much works both ways.

This kinda of attraction is fatal.

I have a distaste for guys who are overly sensitive and needy.

Honestly, we have enough women on planet Earth.

Or should I say, Venus.

Besides I am already too sensitive and needy for my own good.

I abhor guys who are insensitive and obnoxious.

It's a no go zone at all.

I, hereby, declare that insensitivity is the greatest sin.

Especially when the act is cast upon women.

We need love yknow. Overwhelming love.

I am not into boring males.

I can be a boring person sometimes.

Give me a boring dude and there just might be a slight possibility that we die of boredom.

So Fat Belly & I had a tiff while we were HK.

I told him I hated him so much because of 'blah blah blah'.

He told me he hated me for making him love me so much that he is not himself anymore.

I don't even know if that is good or bad cos' it definitely sounds dangerous to me.

But the melt factor worked for me.

So there you go, I don't ask for a lot.

I just need a guy who can read the map (cos' I can't and yes, don't laugh) and make me laugh & melt after a fight.

2005-05-13T19:39:00.000+08:00

More on HK soon.

Babes, the elf loot!

Pretty eh :)

2005-05-07T22:32:00.000+08:00

I had a splendid day today.

Can't remember the last time I had a good workout so whee! I am suffering from sunburnt now.

MJ! Have more netball sessions okay. We need to work Fat Belly!

Advance mothers' day dinner was nothing less than fabulous.

Alrites. I gotta sleep. Like right now.

Cos' I gotta be up at 4am(!) for the flight.

Okay bye. Be back soon :)

2005-05-06T23:03:00.000+08:00

A dose of humour keeps insanity at bay. TGIF!

Some time back, during our 2 year anniversary, Fat Belly & I dropped by Polo Ralph and decided to pick out an item we each like.

I chose a traffic stopping lime green halter while Fat Belly chose a pair of very sensible cargos. *Point upwards*

There you go. I think I look like a kangeroo(!)

Or rather it looks like I am in a gunny sack?! *guffaws*

This shall be my picture of the month :)

2005-05-04T00:02:00.000+08:00

Since I am still in my comfort zone, pardon me.

I will let the pictures do the talking.

There you go, snippets of my weekend.

2005-05-04T00:00:00.000+08:00

2005-05-03T23:59:00.000+08:00

So I am in the midst of shifting back from hall to home.

Bless my sweet old soul.

Tell me how did I come back in one piece.

2005-05-03T23:58:00.000+08:00